


Set Me Free

by Yukina1314



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Depression, Eating Disorders, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Overdosing, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-22
Updated: 2016-12-22
Packaged: 2018-09-11 02:38:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8950636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yukina1314/pseuds/Yukina1314
Summary: Yuuri's mental problem is getting worse and Victor doesn't realize this issue. Yuuri ran away after the GPF and he finally makes a decision to end it all.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The first time I type a fanfic, please give me suggestion and don't judge it too much because I typed this before the last episode comes out.

Chapter 1

The first time I fell in love was the moment Yuko showed me the video of Victor performing on the ice and during that time he is already winning in a lot of World competition, but I was too young to realize that.  
Victor's performance is so perfect that he is just like the angel of the ice and before I know, I started copying his moves and have a dog just like his.  
I become a figure skater and chasing his steps which hilariously he is just four years older than me, and yet he already is the five-peat champion of World Championship, the ruler of the ice.  
For me, I am just a failure who barely got into the GPF and ranked the last like a clown.  
I embarrassed my country and I know I can do better than that, but the stupid mental weakness holds me back everytime just before the competition.  
I don't want to waste time anymore, just being a burden on my family even they tell me it's okay.  
So when the young talent Russian skater who also names Yuri yelled me to retire, this idea grows in my mind for the first time.  
When Mari, my sister asked me what I want to do after graduated from college, I really don't know how to answer her.  
She told me it's okay if I want to keep on skating, but I know it is not fair for her to work so hard in the family business while I am still chasing my dream.  
I am searching for an answer, an answer of what I should do next and I end up in Ice Castle Hasetsu and once again coping Victor's moves, hoping to get back the feeling I once have while copying him when I was a kid.  
It just like a joke, no, it got to be a joke!  
Yuko's three daughters have filmed me and put it on the social media and guess what, the idol of my life the perfect Victor has come to me, telling me he gonna be my coach.  
Nothing can tell how shock I am to be able to have him to be my coach, I am so happy and yet worry about holding him back.  
Even he is the five-peat champion of World Championship, I know he can be more than that and he belongs to the ice, not me.  
I am the joke of the ice, I don't deserve him. I can't be that selfish to hold him beside me while everyone is waiting for his return.  
The time of being a skater have limited and he is already twenty- seven, he shouldn't waste his time on someone like me, but I love him so much that I just can't let go.  
So I make up my mind to be selfish once and retire after this GPF whether I win or not that this would be my last chance to win with him by my side.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

  
After that, more pressure is put on top of me every time I step on the ice.  
Victor doesn't know that or more specifically he doesn't know how to fix my problem.  
Every movement and failure of mine would now reflect on him for he is my coach, and his expectation breaks me even more as I don't want to fail him.  
He kissed me at the end of the China Competition as a reward of surprising him and I can only smile for this is not a kiss out of love, but a reward.  
I become more and more stressful that I am the type who would gets fat easily when I am in stress I eat more, but I began to eat less and less now.  
I know something is wrong with me but I don't plan on fixing it cause Victor likes how I am right now to be thin as a skater should be.  
I know I probably get depression and eating disorder, yet I try to act as normal as I can in front of him.  
When he told everyone that the ring I gave him is an engagement ring and we will marry after I win gold, my heart shattered as I realize I love him.  
I love him in a way I want to spend the rest of my life with him, not the way of admiring an idol.  
Even I know he just joking, but the pressure is on.  
Everyone is staring at me and I begin to think what if I really win, would he really marry me or if I lose what would he do.  
I have to stop thinking, I have to bare it because tomorrow is the final and everything would end after that.  
As I finished the short program, I know I am doom, I disappoint Victor that my hand touched the ice on the jump I insist on doing just for impressing him.  
I fall to the ground, not knowing what to do and when he left my side to watch the other skaters during my interview, I know the time has come.  
Victor is tired of me that I can't impress him anymore that I fail him.  
That night I told Victor, "Let's end this after the final."

 


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

 

I am so sad and nervous that I actually can't remember what happened after that.  
After the GPF end, I left and return to Japan without a sign.  
I sent all Victor's stuff back to Russia, including Makkachin even I know I may never see him again as he is very old in dog's age.  
I locked up myself and continue to eat less than before.  
I know my family and my friends are worrying me, but I can't stand it anymore that I even shut off my phone to avoid any contact from the outside.  
I can't sleep now and all I want is to stop thinking, thinking about Victor and how useless I am.  
Turn out I was dragged out of my room by Minako and she forced me to see a doctor.  
Doctor told me the same stuff I already know as I can guess from the stories I have read.  
She gives me the prescription and sleeping pill to help me to sleep and that night for the first time in weeks, I am able to sleep till morning even this don't last long.  
I secretly eat more sleeping pill than I should and I still avoid getting see by others as I don't want to see their sad face of how their hero (even I am a loser I am still the best in Japan) to look like a skeleton.  
It's getting harder and harder for me to even breath and there is a voice telling me to end it all for I am just a burden that waste money for pills, the time of others who worry about me, the . . .  
Stop! I yell inside my head.  
I know everyone is better off without me, maybe they would be sad in the beginning, but everything will keep on moving after a while.  
So the plan is set, I am going to end it all.


	4. Chapter 4

  
Chapter 4

  
I pretend to keep on taking my pills while I am saving them up.  
I forced myself to eat then throw up in the restroom and act as normal as I can.  
Finally, I leave a note telling everyone that I am sorry for being born, for being a burden and beg them not to tell Victor about this.  
I ate up all my pills and walked into the sea where Victor and I have once stay, hoping my body would be washed away eliminating the trouble I am going to cause.  
I put my head under the water knowing that everything would end soon as my brain go dizzy and my vision turns black.  
Unfortunately, I failed in my first attempt of suicide, I just wish to disappear but someone notices me and drags me back that I wake up the second day in the hospital.  
I know I have failed as I hear my family and friends cry when I open my eyes.  
I don't dare to look at them for I am afraid of their sad face and the fact that they find my note.  
I know they never treat me like a weaker and I really don't want this to happen right now.  
After that, they take a closer look at me, not letting me to have the chance to be alone again.  
I am looking for my second chance to take off, to be in peace forever like I have wished this my whole life.  
The only thing I feel happy from my last attempt is the fact that no one has called Victor for what I have done.  
My second chance has come as I gain their trust for getting better, but before that, I turn on my phone one last time and see how it is filled up with tons of messages of asking where am I.  
There are so many messages, but I can only focus on one name, Victor's.  
He got so many questions to me as the one of why his stuff was sent back to Russia and why I don't answer.  
My tear comes down that I have told the others to tell him I am on the trip in somewhere and won't be back for soon.  
I don't know what's wrong with me this time as I want him to forget about me and keep on being the legend he should be.  
Maybe I just searching a way to let my feeling out.  
I turn on the camera of my phone, filming myself in tear as I yelled from the bottom of my heart of how much I love Victor and how much pain I am in.  
My phone has password lock that I don't expect anyone to watch this video, that this love and pain will go down into the grave along with me.  
Though I am stupid enough to set on the automatic upload accidently that it goes all over the internet and I don't notice as I turn off my phone.

 


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

 

I have lied, I trick Yuko to let me ski again in Ice Castle saying it would make me feel better like what I always do when I am down.  
Yuko hesitated, but she let me do it when she sees me smile like the one she saw when I was a kid.  
The one that is so pure that no one would judge what's behind that smile.  
Somehow I really do feel happy that it is going to end.  
I am able to return to be the kid without any sadness and worry just chasing after the dream of entering the world and stepping onto the same ice as his idol.  
It all goes fine until a jump, a jump I plan to end it all, the jump that makes Victor kissed me for the first time.  
When Yuko realize what I am attempting to do it is too late, I jump as high as I can and I lost my balance purposely to let my head crash hard onto the ice.  
The last thought I have in mind before I lost conscious is I am sorry, Victor for loving you.  
Blood goes everywhere and Yuko is freak out that she fall into panic mode.  
Now think back, Yuuri is actually sorry for having Yuko to see him do this.  
What has been done is done, and God knows what miracle it is that Victor shows up suddenly, yelling Yuko to call the ambulance.  
Victor ran to Yuuri as fast he can, kneel down and hold Yuuri in his arms as soft as Yuuri is going to shatter and disappear if Victor holds him any harder.  
Victor wipes Yuuri's bloody face and kisses him on his lips.  
"Don't sleep, wake up. I still haven't given you my answer yet."  
No one knows why Victor is there and he continuously telling Yuuri not to leave him just like that, that he doesn't answer Yuuri his confession yet and don't he dare to choose what is the best.  
After Yuuri has entered the surgery room, like never before that for the first time Victor cries.  
The tears rolling down from his eyes and no one dares to get close to him because apparently, he has lost his control.  
Victor still remembers the moment he watched the video and how his heart has broken as he learned how much Yuuri loves him and what pain he's in.  
He has to hold it together for he knew Yuuri doesn't mean to let him see this that it is leaking out accidently and something terrible is going to happen which he has to stop it.  
For now, he can't forgive himself as he always thinks what he can do for Yuuri and yet this happened that he's too late without considering it was lucky the video leaks out or he won't even know Yuuri is here all the time even he has dead.  
Victor does love Yuuri as Yuuri loves him, but he always misses the chance to tell him seriously without sound like joking.  
"Yuri," Victor said outside the surgery room, "you can't leave like this. We both aren't good at showing our love, but we can learn it together even it going to take our whole life. So promise me you will stay or I don't know what can keep me from going on any longer."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

 

Yuri is there sitting aside that he also go to Japan as he notices the video, but he has arrived later and received the news of Yuuri has already been sent to the hospital.  
Yuri sneaks his way in because there are a bunch of reporters outside the hospital, waiting for the newest information.  
Yuri is shocked as he heard Victor, but he doesn't know how to stop this tragedy if Yuuri is really gone.  
At last, the light of the room has turned off, the fate of Yuuri and Victor is set.  
The doctor comes out and tell them to be mental prepared that Yuuri's heart has stopped once and now he is in a deep coma which may lead to brain death.  
Victor's mind goes blank, trying to figure out what the doctor is saying.  
That his cute little pork cutlet may never wake up and gone in any moment?  
What is the whole mental prepare means? Like Yuuri is going to wake up right?  
When the doctor begins to suggest them to consider about organs donation, Victor is about to beat him right to the face.  
Yuri stops him, he has to for there are too many cameras and reporters out there and Yuuri wouldn't want Victor to damage his image.  
"Yuuri will wake up, he is not going to die and you take back those words!" Victor yelled.  
"I am so sorry," the doctor said, "all we can hope for is a miracle and it also depends on the patient's will to live."  
Doctor ran away after saying that.  
"I will pull his plug if he is pronounced brain death," Hiroko finally said, "he is my son and I won't let him suffer in pain like that. This is also his will and I will respect it till the end as being his mother."  
"No, no please don't. I will take care of Yuuri and I am willing to sacrifice anything for him, so please, I beg you." Victor said.  
"You are a nice man, but also the main cause of my Yuuri to become like this. I don't know how to face you right now. I can let you stay, but please don't let me see your face."  
Everything goes quiet, some sort of plan start building in Victor's mind, "I am not going to lose Yuuri, never."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

  
"It's been a month, please wake up. Please, don't be silent even you are going to wake up forgetting everything." Victor holds Yuuri's hand which seems to be getting colder and colder.  
"You want to hear me say that word right? I will tell you every day after you wake up."  
Hiroko is going to pull Yuuri's plug anytime soon and everyone seems to accept the fact that Yuuri has gone, he is not going to wake up and start preparing the funeral.  
But the news soon spread out that Yuuri has disappeared from the hospital along with Victor, who gives up everything just to stay with Yuuri.  
Victor has kidnaped Yuuri and no one knows where they go other than one person, the skater who also name Yuri.  
Yuri has returned to Russia and he is watching his phone as the news spread across the world.  
"That stupid is taking that pig with him, he is not going to let go, right?"  
"I understand how he feels, I would do the same if this ever happens which I won't let it." Otabek hugs Yuri from the back as he said.  
Yuri goes silent, he has to admit that he also doesn't understand the love that much that he has no right to judge Victor's action.  
In a house of somewhere, a young man is lying on the huge bed with tubes and medical supplies surrounding him.  
"Don't worry, Yuuri. No one gonna finds us here and no one can kill you. Do you remember the rings you bought before the final? Let them be our wedding rings after you wake up. You will marry me, right? I know you will even you lost your memory which is fine that we can build new ones together. I am a stupid for letting you in pain alone and you have to punish me for this."  
Victor keeps on repeating the same thing in hopes of Yuuri getting tired of his speech and wake up to stop him.  
Months have passed that can't say it's all peaceful that Yuuri's heart has stopped a couple of times which Victor has prepared their grave that if it really is the time, he would immediately kill himself and let someone bury them together in some place no one can find so they won't be separate.  
Miracle has come on the day of Victor's birthday which is Christmas while Victor massaging Yuuri's body to prevent his muscles from shrinking.  
Yuuri wakes as Victor realizes his fingers move.  
The first sentence come out from Yuuri is in a dry cracking voice.  
"Where. . . am. . . I? And. . . who . . . are . . . you?"  
Victor answers Yuuri in a soft voice like he has practiced this a thousand times, "It doesn't matter where you are or who you are, all it matter is you wake up. All you need to know is I am your husband, the love of you life and I love you."


End file.
